Flying With Mr. Creepy – Etiquette for the Air Travel

Tricia Schmitt is the Chief Branding Officer for AFR Furniture Rental at our corporate headquarters in Pennsauken, New Jersey. Her job requires a huge amount of both domestic and international travel. Her adventures on the road are always a source of grimaces and laughter for us, and we hope that you enjoy this insight into one of the funny, but daaaaang - what jack-assery, stories that she shared with us. – The Marketing Team

I fly. I fly a lot. In fact, we are only half way through 2016, and I’m already on my 30th trip. Not flight. Trip. Many of my girlfriends think that my life is glamorous - at least the ones that don’t travel a lot for business.

Frequent travel does have its perks. I get to be outside the local bubble and experience a plethora of different people, places, and things. Traveling for work allows me to do that more often than when I’m on vacation. I’m Ruby status, so I board before most. I always sit in the aisle. I consider myself an affable traveler. I get “it.” Travel is not easy.

I don't mind the completely oblivious people who have briefcases or handbags on their shoulders that knock me in the head. I don't mind the person who wants to get into the window or middle seat in my row, and they stand right next to me making it next to impossible for me to get up and get out of their way. I politely ask if they can back up or move aside so I can get up. I don't mind the person in the row across from me with headphones on and music so loud we can all hear that they have an obsessive love affair with Coldplay. I mean he is lucky that I like Coldplay and that Adam Levine…well, he’s a handsome devil! I don't even mind the person in the middle seat with his legs spread wide and his arms practically on my side of the armrest. Like I said, I consider myself to be friendly and understanding. We are all just trying to get somewhere. However, I do have my limits and THIS GUY NEXT TO ME …IS PUSHING ME OVER THE EDGE AS I TYPE THIS. WHY? Let me tell you.

There is one thing (okay maybe a couple more than that) that get me revved, but one of the biggest ones is reading what I’m typing, and watching me work. So since I know I have an audience now, let me address them directly:

I hate that you are sitting next to me reading the emails I am typing. I think you are watching me type this blog. You are so invasive and rude. Just saying! What is wrong with you that as you read these words, that you don’t blush dark red and turn your head away? I have a name for you. I at this moment dub you, Mr. Creepy.

Hey there, Mr. Creepy – yes, you…in the striped shirt in Row 12, seat B…yes you right next to me. And because I completely get that you are one of those drivers that can’t look away from an accident, I’ve got more for you. Buckle up, buttercup; I’m sure that your voyeuristic nature will like this.

I strongly dislike when people open up food that has a strong smell – which you also did today. All that fish, onion and cooked broccoli created one nasty stench. Gag! Are you KIDDING ME? I wasn’t the only one that about lost my cool. While there are no windows in this flying tube, there are 338 passengers in your immediate vicinity right NOW that wish there was and that you’d fit out of it. Instead, we only get recycled oxygen soup filled with a cocktail of smells and other "stuff". Just ugh. And, please, please would you cover your mouth as you hack? There are germs everywhere. Are you having fun yet Mr. Creepy? The rest of us are decidedly, NOT - having a dandy time cruising at 38,000 feet.

So, let’s talk about what will happen when we land, and everyone tries to deplane at the same time. It’ll be even more hysterical. Here’s how it will most likely play out.

Everyone will jump up – and I will still be sitting because I know we are going nowhere until the ground crew, and flight attendants open the door, and everyone in those seats in the 11 rows in front of me gets moving, but someone will be up and at ‘em. It never fails. I’m betting that they will most likely hit me in the shoulder while they are attempting to pull their bag from the overhead while apologizing profusely since they know that I am firmly wedged in between Mr. Coldplay and you, Mr. Creepy. Everywhere around me will be butts. Butts in my face – butts next to me – and my favorite butts - the people who want to push through everyone rather than patiently waiting for the 30 seconds it takes to disembark in an orderly manner. I understand rushing when a connection is tight. I get it. I do. Today we should land about 45 minutes early. I wonder what the excuse will be?

People are just nuts when they travel. Seriously. We wonder why there can’t be anything remotely close to world peace? We wonder why we are exhausted and tired at the end of even the shortest journeys? It’s because there is no compassion, no etiquette, and no consideration for the human being next to us. To top it off, it seems that the worst comes out in some people when they are traveling.

Listen, rudeness drives me nuts no matter where I am, but perhaps, this time, it's because this is my 30th flight so far this year. I’m guessing that you (yes, you reading this on the blog) are either nodding your head in agreement or thinking that I might be walking the ledge because you have never experienced “flight.” But check this out - Mr. Creepy is laughing.

The rules are straightforward and easy to remember. In fact, there’s only one.

Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. That’s it – in one tidy nutshell. Read it, apply it, and rinse and repeat as needed – not only when you’re on a plane, but everywhere - all the time. Please be a considerate and kind human.

Well, we are finally landing, so it’s time to put a finish on this blog. I’ll keep it short and sweet. God bless you, Mr. Creepy. I hope you learned something new today – and that is, don't bring fish on flights and have a little consideration and respect for your fellow travelers. It’s not that hard!

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